The Beautiful Life, Balanced

Being a little extra makes me smile now. But for a long time, it made me uncomfortable. I have always had a curvy body. Voluptuous is probably the prettier word. Big busted is the more practical one. And when you move through the world in a body that other people notice, people tend to comment. Some comments are meant as compliments. Some are jokes. Some are crude. Some are wrapped in humor but still land somewhere tender. I have heard versions of “my boobs enter the room before I do” for… well, most of my life. The problem was not… Read more: Finding the Beautiful in Being a Little Extra

My spirituality has been growing a lot lately. Not in a way that feels rigid or narrow, but in a way that feels more open, more observant, and more full of light. I feel more peace, more encouraged, more love – towards myself and others as well. I have been thinking about the difference between religion and spirituality. I inherited a religion that didn’t always feel right to me and left me with many unanswered questions. I struggled feeling spiritual even when living within the lines of religion. To me, religion often feels like a pathway that has already been… Read more: Finding the Beautiful in Many Pathways

My yard was coming along. That is the phrase I kept using. Not finished. Not perfect. Not exactly what I imagined yet. But coming along. There was progress. The flower beds were looking more ordered. The grass was improving. The weeds were being pulled. The edges were being cleaned up. There was enough visible change that I could stand in the front yard, look around, and feel a small sense of satisfaction. Then the neighborhood irrigation pump broke. And just like that, my yard that was coming along had a setback. It is not ruined. It is not hopeless. It… Read more: Finding the Beautiful in Things That Are Coming Along

I spend a lot of time thinking about faces. Not just wrinkles, volume loss, shadows, contours, lips, cheeks, jawlines, or skin. I think about the whole face. The person behind it. The way a face carries age, expression, genetics, grief, joy, stress, laughter, and time. People come to me with concerns about how they are aging. They share vulnerable thoughts, insecurities, hopes, and sometimes fears. They want to look refreshed. They want to feel attractive. They want to recognize themselves. They want to feel like the outside reflects something they still feel on the inside.  Injectables can be beautiful tools.… Read more: Finding the Beautiful in the Pause

Life is not what I imagined when I was younger. I do not think most women dream of being in their fifties and single. There is vulnerability in it. There is humor in it. There is disappointment in it. There are moments that feel hopeful, moments that feel exhausting, and moments that make me want to sit quietly in my peaceful house and remember that being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. Men show up in different ways. Some are kind. Some are lonely. Some are charming. Some are interesting. Some are successful on paper. Some want… Read more: Finding the Beautiful in Self-Trust

No one ever dreams of being a single mother of five kids, poor, and living paycheck to paycheck. For me to want that more than I wanted my marriage says everything about how bad the marriage had become. Leading up to the divorce, and for the next few years after, I really struggled with anxiety and depression. One thing I immersed myself in was music. Sad, happy, party, classical, hip hop, reggae – I liked it all. I could feel something in music. It could amplify my mood, soften it, or sometimes change it completely. I made playlists for work,… Read more: Finding the Beautiful in the Tunnel

A while back, I received a message from an acquaintance telling me that I have an amazing life. It was a kind message, and I appreciated it. I can certainly acknowledge that there are many things in my life that are good. My work is rewarding. My children have launched well or are preparing to. My grandchildren are adorable (even when they’re being little stinkers). My house projects are…well, they get finished eventually. Still, the message made me cringe a little because I felt like a fraud. Life just moves too fast. I frequently feel like I’m barely capable of… Read more: Amazing Life